after

I made it to the edge of my skin
after all those years
hunkering down
in the belly of my bones.

and I smelled summertime
and the sea
and rainsoaked earth and
freedom.

now, there are so many me's I want to be
and still,
stillness settles me and tells me to do
nothing
but
listen.

blue deer

I arrive home and recognize I've arrived home. I see things now. I smell the air in a new way.
I am the 2 deer across the river, bounding, chasing, pausing, listening....allowing myself to be seen.
I could watch that shadow bug for hours, stationed lightly on water molecules. I waited for so long to see what that shadowless spider might do. and I just drank in the bubble and ripple of the river; this kind and gentle water that holds my hurting toes and makes them warm. this grass, this wind, these birds trapezing from one branch to the other, talking.....this is life, this is life. There is a faint smell of fire, the clouds wander, the mountainside whispers. Everything is alive. I am alive. I am alive.
And, there isn't that low drone undertone that has been the soundtrack since I came to this place, this place on earth with this one name, one body. there is space and breath and silence and it is intoxicating. I feel myself here. My body, my heart, my joy.
I am grateful. my breathing is a prayer of thanks.