I wish I could go back
to those moments when the sun was coming through the trees
and it was just another day,
ordinary.
to that time, after time,
when I shrank instead of expanded because
everything was spinning
and the outside shimmered like an old film reel
and my head
was filled with seawater.
to the friends I kept this far away
because I was so far out of reach
and I didn't want them
to know.
I wish I could gather all the mornings
I ran from, thick with dread,
and spread them out like a table cloth on the bright earth
and kiss them sweetly
and say, 'welcome'.
I wish that my blood hadn't shuddered
and wobbled my spine
the way it did in the simple things.
I wish I had known ordinary moments the way that
others take for granted a ride to the mall.
I wish I could've danced.
