in some knee ah.

hello dog out there, barking barking barking.

do you know it's 12:38 am on a Tuesday night?

what do you have to say for yourself? are you memorizing a sonnet? are you telling us about the day you were born? are you reciting the canine alphabet of desire...out, food, squirrel, stick, pet me, stay away, come play...?

why am I still up..barking, barking, barking?

it's 12:40 am on a Tuesday night.

I have to get up early and I won't see sleep until late late tomorrow, so why am I prolonging my bedtime?

I've a restlessness, I guess.

My heart is tender. somewhere between oh so vulnerably brand new and bruised and fooled.

I am just watching it for now.

and, it is fascinating enough to keep me awake.

reminding myself that everything is different now.

I forget.

when I remember, that space in my chest expands and warms and feels, really, truly, like a strong, soft, velvety petaled flower arching into its dance.

and, I accept this exquisite life is mine.

and, sometimes it is so painful to let go.

and,

sometimes, it is so painful to open.