move

feeling its time to come back to this. words on a page. getting comfy with the voice again. ahem....is this thing on?

today I feel happy. yes, happy. not because of any one thing, but because of everything. because, I'm here. I'm still here and I mean it. I feel my body. I feel the little surges down my legs that buzz and hum almost to the distraction of discomfort. but. there is vitality and spark that is reclaiming the empty spaces.

I danced again tonight. I haven't danced in months, I think. The way these muscles have been hugging close to the bone has detoured me to other roads. The lumbar speaks. The sacrum squeals. I've been ham strung and waiting. It's been like nothing before. I decide it will not last this way. Pain has its own way to get my attention.

But, I've been listening for a while now and now I'm going to push the edge a bit. I still know that dance is the paradoxical way home. And, there is balance.

Walking through the simmer of another day of the heatwave, my body felt lazy, tired & more inclined to curl up with the rest of the visceral book I'm reading than to actually inhabit my viscera in motion. But, I pushed. I nudged. I walked myself to the invitation.

I danced, shook, trembled, rolled, stretched, reached, spun, paused, breathed....all the little things getting bigger. My back spoke and I rocked back to my heels, listened and slowed then, gradually accelerated again. A dosing of the comeback. the comehome. little by little, bigger by bigger.

It was a prayer. A dialogue. A speak and listen. A sacred gift given and received. Enough to revive my heart with a great helping of humility. Movement is mandatory.

I am covered in sweat and smiling for all the wakings in my heart. When I dance, all the things that have been lodged inside my skin from all the bumping around in the dark, shake loose. I remember something very important about me. I smile. I've been gone a long time and it's good to see you, old friend.