balancing bone and finding space.

sitting uncomfortably in seat D10 of Hendersonville Little Theatre, I waited for the final show of the run of "The Glass Menagerie." Robert's call brought me there early, so I had some time to kill.
sitting uncomfortably, my attention narrowed in on the strain of the ligaments and tendons attaching my limbs to pelvis. For longer than I care to admit, my own experience of shattered glass  has been stabbing into me from the compression of nerve and soft tissue. bones out of place. out of joint. broken glass.
what if I alter my perception?
what if I guide my attention, instead, to the spaces that are spaces. to the softness, the non-pain areas...and, ask..."how would I describe this?"
what if i use images to alter my sensations. this is what I learned back in the new york days in the studios of movement research with nancy topf. dynamic anatomy. imagining the body and allowing the sensation to move me. allowing the images to transform into sensation and, ultimately, movement.
what if I imagine the head of my femur easy and aligned, balanced and fluid...see my pelvic bones stand upright in the chair...and, let all the soft tissue melt away. what on earth would be left to hurt me?
the balancing of bone. without effort. with ease.
and, things changed.
the alarm and strain quieted. not extinguished entirely, mind you, but quiet is g o o d.
space. is. good.
s p a c e     i  s   g    o     o    d.

and i read and was reminded of the beginning of butoh.
beginning with an image and then, indulging in the luxury of time, allowing the movement to unfold to become that image (whether any outside observer would even identify it as such).

what if I hold the image in my mind (in my body) of a bed of seagrass, for example.
soft, strong, fluid, supple.
and unfold the time and reveal the possibilities back to my body.

what if I do this for everything in my life.
my whole life.
where things are sharp..what if I imagine marshmallows.
where things are stuck...what if I imagine a river.
where there is a deep ache....what will the image of being held in giant hands offer me?

just like resource.
it is resource.
and, what if we take it further in. allow more time. allow the dance of the image to speak.
forget the narratives.

work with image in the resource.
and pendulate to the images of discomfort. back to the movement of resource, images of space and possibility.


i need to take this time to explore.
I need to find myself in creation again.
create art. witness.
feed my soul's longing.
and, come back to life.