fear

I dreamed of a giant alligator last night. It's a theme for me. I've been dreaming of them since I was a little girl. Subterranean, mysterious, frightening, dark. Feminine, Divine Mother, Wisdom, Fear. all the same isn't it?

This one may have been the biggest I've ever dreamed.
She was in a small canal. She barely fit. It was an unnatural setting, not nature....more like a pen. Concrete. Separated from others, I think.
In the dream, I think 2 people were eaten.
The latest was a woman, young woman, wearing red and white gym shorts and a tank top. I remember seeing her and then I saw the shorts hanging out of the side of the alligator's mouth. Just like that.
Robert, except I don't know if it was Robert, you know how dreams can be, went into the area where the alligator was and he was being playful. I was understandably very nervous. He displayed no evidence of caution or respectful awareness. Against my pleas, he jumped onto the back of the alligator and danced around, jumping back and forth from her back to the adjacent concrete dock, which, of course, the alligator could also have easily grabbed him from. I remember turning my head so that I wouldn't have the sight, burned in my memory, of my Robert being devoured by a giant predator.
In the dream, this moment didn't come. It doesn't mean it wouldn't have. I woke myself up pretty quickly and was hot with fear.

What a dream to wrestle with ontop of a day and evening full with so many of my own monsters. fear and misalignment and discomfort with the existentialism of my moments. dark and gnawing self reproach and doubt and otherness and aloneness and awareness of the aspects that are readying to drown me.