note to a younger you.

ok, let's you and me talk.

clearly you are feeling pain and we've got to get together and figure out a way to help you share and express that without burning the whole house down.

because,

I love this man. I love him a lot and we have a good life together.

and, lately,

when you show up with your gasoline and matches and start pulling up the floorboards for kindling...well,

that's not cool.

it's really not very fucking cool.

and, you and me,

we have to either get on board with each other and work this out or we just might go up in flames,

for real.

so, how old are you now and what is hurting you so deeply?

All I know of you now is the urgency to destroy and the immediacy of escape. That tormenting feeling of being trapped with your own chaos and confusion, rage and fear. I know that when you show up there is a whole lot of flailing and kicking and screaming.

But, so much has happened that is good since you got stuck in that moment.

Please, come, sit and let me listen to your pain, let me help you fight it out, flee and feel the ways you are all shattered to bits. Please let me help you piece it all back together. Please, come home.

I know your dad didn't love you. I know he told you mean and terrible things. I know that when your father tells you things like that it is hard not to digest it as the gospel of absolute truth. Even when you know better. I know it's hard to pull those words out of your heart, the way they are embedded like shrapnel from that and every other bomb that went off in your war zone. I know that nobody else knows what that is like for you. Except me. I know.

I know.

I don't know how to remove those scars or how to make those words feel less true. I know that I can tell you over and over how much you are loved and how much love you deserve and that you are perfect just as you are and I know that probably none of what I say will land. I know.

They're wrong, I know. Sticks and stones will break your bones. And bones will heal.

Words will always hurt you because there is no way to remove them.

So, how bout we just let it be as it is right now.

You are pissed and frightened and you show up unexpectedly and trample the flowers it took a whole winter to grow. That hurts everybody. We're all in pain. 

Ok, ok. We start with feeling it. That's it. We feel it.

Let me listen.