sorrow and fear

 it is all too much.

Luna sleeps and wakes up, wanders, and cries. She eats a little. She drinks a little water. She is mourning. She is preparing to leave me. 

Every day I await a feeling of better. But the pain persists; increases. My wings hug into my spine; coiling and retreating, refusing to expand.  

I sleep and wake up, wander, and cry. I pray. I eat. I drink a little water. I am mourning. I am being carved into. I am earth that had begun to thrive; I have been torn into. The machines have gouged out my heart and senses. I am bereft.

I am lost.

I ache. I ache. I ache.

The world is grey.

and tonight, I brace for another departure. My children. My children. My children.

I am raked open and left to bleed.

I am afraid. 

They have been the foundation of my mental health. my home. my heart. my safety. my reasons to be.

Luna is still here. but, she retreats. I can't bear it. I can't bear to know what's coming.

My heart might fail.

Ursa, I miss you so much. I don't want to stop saying your name or writing it. I don't want you to fade. I want you home. We have never gone this long without seeing each other. I think 2 weeks was the absolute longest we were ever apart. Now it's almost 4 weeks. and every day after this pulls you further from me. I can't...I can't...I can't....

I can't bear to lose Luna too.

I am breaking apart.

This world is too much.

I am so afraid.

I am so full of sorrow.

I am in so much pain.