grit.

dad,

I do not know how to speak these words out loud. I am careful with myself these days. Careful to avoid the next bullet or broken bone; still recovering from the bruising.

I know you know what I know.

you may be the only one by now. the only one in the family.

I know your heart hears mine.

and you know that I hold you gently with love, with compassion.

with forgiveness.

I understand the wars.

I see the dirt you have swallowed;the gravel that grows up around you.

You were only ever afraid. and that fear, so great, grew thick and scaly and soon all light was banished.

I see you ran and hid; tucked yourself away from all the scolding and the terror.

You grew into something dark and devastating; something with strength and power and intimidation.

How bold you roared.

How hollow the victory to shake the walls and hurl the glass at such small and helpless animals.