day 11.

I opted for the late class today because I worked in the morning and then ventured on a hike in the woods. I'm glad that I did because there were only about 6 people in the room. In every way, though, it was just me in the room. I actually enjoyed the practice today. I wasn't counting postures and I wasn't keeping track of time like I usually do. There was something almost gentle about the class. I know that 'gentle bikram' is an oxymoron, but the teacher, Janet, had such a quiet and encouraging pace to her dialogue and instruction and her presence just lightened the room. Besides the fact that the room wasn't full of people, there was a spaciousness to the class.
I got to hang out with gratitude. And, I got to spend another whole hour and a half with me.  It just feels so good to enjoy that. So much has changed.
Again, I challenged myself further into the postures.
My left hamstring is still putting up a fight and I am still gently persistent. I wonder, sometimes, about the line with push and patience with it. Stretching into on some days feels like I'm getting somewhere; on other days, it feels like I could be setting myself back. It's probably somewhere in the middle.
My whole left side is still pretty discombobulated and working towards organizing a coherent alignment. Patience. The right side grows steadier and clearer. I can hold it up for the left to witness. Mirror neurons and all.
I grew in most of the postures tonight.
This feels so great. Mostly I notice my progress outside of class. I'm walking differently. I'm thinking differently. I feel more here. more settled. It feels like I have more perspective.
The rest of my life is in the process of shifting and reconfiguring. So much is uncertain or disorienting. There is so much internal change and not a lot of clarity about what next. This practice gives me the practice of tolerating the unknown, the what is and the being in the moment. There is no past. done. There is no future. not yet.
gratitude.
saying it like a mantra.
Gratitude.

oh! and I got a "good" comment while doing locust.....really?

i'm bone tired and going to bed.