work and rushing. running from here to there. worries and reliefs.
and, I'm tired but, so ready for practice.
it's the last class of the day and walking into the room is like diving into a lake; I am instantly soaked.
this is good.
I like to sweat this intensely and know that down to the marrow, I am warm.
It wasn't an easy class. It took me a while to arrive with my focus. For the first 15 minutes I was still thinking about things and scrutinizing myself in the mirror. I didn't much like the clothes I was wearing; they didn't seem all too flattering. And, my hair looked flat and terrible.
All that judgement faded pretty quickly. I had bigger fish to fry.
I went deep into Utkatasana/Awkward Pose. I really think that once I'm past that pose, the rest of the practice is easier, mentally. Something about it really, really provokes me. And, today...I really pushed the edge and found something new. cool, in all that heat. cool.
Standing head to knee....on the second set, I actually nearly straightened both legs. Yes, things are changing. Here's solid proof.
Trikonasana/Triangle is the other devil. It is tough stuff getting that deeply into a lunge and keeping enough traction on the towel so that I don't pull my hamstrings any more. It's a bit of nemesis right now, but I'm meeting it.
At some point in the standing series I had a strange experience. I was internally fighting a posture...don't remember which one exactly, but I was in resistance. Suddenly, I felt separate from my physical body in a way that made it feel like a vehicle and I just opened the door and got in. I thought "how cool to be moving this way, sweating, and pushing an edge. I don't care much if I get anywhere with this...the ride is so cool. I'm just happy to be here experiencing whatever it is." And then, I was just me doing my thing but with a little different perspective. cool. very, very cool.
Locust. Don't know if my legs are getting any higher but, I'm going to trust that someday, if not today, they will inch themselves upward.
The floor series challenged my back tonight so I started pendulating to the areas of my body that felt easier. I felt marshmallow in my left lower back just as my right lower back felt like someone grabbed it and wrung it into a ball like a dishrag. I put all my focus on the marshmallow and, within a breath, the right side had relaxed. I love SE.
At this point it occurred to me to fill my awareness with textures that would be conducive to enjoying the floor series so, I thought of gummi bears and gummi worms.
I did windremoving posture as if I were a gummi worm, just bending and folding in any old direction, and I felt lighter.
It worked for the bendy stretchy stuff but was more of a challenge for locust, which requires an effort counter to gravitational forces. Still, I tried.
When camel arrived, I psyched myself up by saying "this is my favorite posture! oh good, I get to do camel. I hope she holds us here for a long time!" and then it was smooth, if not challenging, sailing from there. It felt like no time at all and I was able to really go for the gusto and deepen into it. nice.
it shows me alot about how powerful our thoughts are.
I had fun tonight. I'm so happy and so grateful that I have been doing this.
No comments:
Post a Comment