gone.

wesley chapel, fl.

been here now, what? 2 days? yes, 2 days.

there are 10 of us staying in this house, my uncle Farhad's house.

I am too wasted and tired to write much, but all happens so fast I don't want it all lost.

last night, the 5 of us gathered. The Azars.

all sisters and mother, in tears and process.

I witnessed the absolute gorgeousness of my family, fell in love and all at the same time, felt so alone.

Grief tore through me like a tornado, pulling out my floor boards and splintering my beams.

Who was this man?

Death. the chilling terror in my soul.

Grief. Paradox.

contradiction.

Today, we met with a lawyer and a financial advisor..settling the business.

Strange. full of tears.

And, hearing stories and testimonials about how REMARKABLE a man my father was, how brilliant, how KIND, how GENEROUS..."he went out of his way to be kind to people"

I'm staggering with grief.

tomorrow is the burial. I can barely breathe tonight.

there were plans in play for funerary rites, rites of passage; and now we will postpone until November.

Will I have the resource and support I need by then?

There is a tremendous mixture of grief, terror and surrender right now.

strange.

oh, I pray for protection, support, grace and love and MIRACLES.